Boxers or Briefs?
by Talis13
Summary: Chapter 3 Added! The women of the WWE turn the tables on the men...humor and chaos ensue. :) {Straight Comedy}
1. Boxers or Briefs? 1

Title~ Boxers or Briefs? (1/?)  
  
Author~ Cristal  
  
Email~ Talis13@yahoo.com   
  
Rating~ PG13  
  
Disclaimer~ All characters belong to the WWE. ;)  
  
Distribution~ Interested in hosting this fic? Please ask permission.   
^^  
  
Notes~ This is actually a challenge response from the KarenFic list located here- http://groups.yahoo.com/group/KarenFic So…answer to Candle's Challenge. ;)  
  
Summary~ Bad comedy alert for future chapters. Lol…it's what I do…  
can't help it really…  
  
  
  
"Oh honestly!!! Why THIS again?!!?" Stacy asked with a   
pout as she pointed at the match list in her hand. "I'd like to think   
we can do more than this by now…"  
  
Torrie nodded with a shrug. "Because…they want the men to   
feel better about themselves so they make us trance around in our   
underwear. It's psychological, I'm almost positive."  
  
"It'd almost have to be." Stacy frowned as the paper   
crumpled in her fist. "This is crappy though! The GUYS don't have to   
do this!!!"  
  
"I know, it's bad. Maybe we can do something about it…."  
  
"Hey girls! What's happening?"  
  
Torrie and Stacy looked up, meeting the bright hazel gaze   
of Lita as she sat next to them. Stacy pushed the crumpled paper at   
her friend. "See the match list yet?"  
  
She shook her head, unwrinkling the paper and glancing at   
it. She made a face. "Again? How much good does it do them to have   
you wrestling in your underwear?"  
  
"That's what we'd like to know!!!! I say we protest!"   
Stacy replied with a pout.  
  
"Great idea!" Torrie stood before glancing back at the   
other two women. "What would be the best way to protest this though?"  
  
Lita sat back before a grin escaped. "Why, go straight to   
the top of course."  
  
Stacy wrinkled her nose. "Talk to Vince?"  
  
Lita snorted. "I said THE TOP. Everyone knows Vince does   
NOT run the show: Linda does. And let's face it-"  
  
"She likes us all and will go with it?" Stacy offered.  
  
"Bingo!" Lita laughed. "Let's try and hunt her down.   
This'll be fun!!!"  
  
  
  
Linda sat in the office, quietly discussing the WWE   
stocks with her husband as they compared notes over how to improve   
things. Vince looked up at the knock on the door. "Come in."  
  
Three women came in, all smiling brightly at him…wait,   
all smiling brightly at Linda…must be a `woman-thing'…this can't be   
good. "Good evening ladies…can we um…help you?"  
  
Stacy pouted slightly as she waved the offending match   
list in front of him. "Why do I and Torrie have to do ANOTHER bra and   
panties match Vince?!? I want to learn how to actually wrestle and I   
can't if my opponent is too busy trying to pull my clothes off!!"  
  
"Well Stacy, the men pay good money to see all of our   
performers. And, well, they do want matches like this every once in   
awhile, so-"  
  
"I don't care! I don't want to prance around the ring in   
my underwear tonight!"  
  
"Stacy-"  
  
"Neither do I Vince." Torrie added with a shrug. "It gets   
old. Well, old for us I guess you'd say And besides, the WOMEN pay   
good money to see this show too."  
  
"Vince, we were all thinking about this and had an idea   
for you to make it up to all divas and female fans." Lita added,   
charming smile in place.   
  
He arched an eyebrow, not liking that smile. "Well, if I   
can hear what this plan is-"  
  
"Actually, we want to run it by Linda." She cut in.  
  
"Now Lita-"  
  
"Actually Vince, I'd like to hear about this." Linda   
smiled at her husband. His stomach turned slightly because she was   
giving him the same smile Lita had been a moment before.  
  
"But Linda-"  
  
"Vince." She frowned with a point towards the door. "Out.   
Now."  
  
His head bowed and he shuffled out the door. Lita grinned   
at the other two divas, all of which were grinning at Linda now.  
  
  
  
Stacy walked down the hallway, happier than she'd been in   
weeks. She nodded greeting to a couple of guys and shared a grin with   
another diva. She looked over with a smile as someone fell into step   
beside her. "Hi!"  
  
"Hey Stacy. You're in a good mood." He smiled at   
her. "Something going on that I probably ought to know about?"  
  
"Not yet Rob." She grinned at him. "But, you'll find out   
later, I promise."  
  
"I'll hold you to that you know." He replied.  
  
"Good." She winked. "I'll catch you later!"  
  
"Later Stacy."  
  
She walked quickly down to the divas locker room that was   
at the end of the hallway. Nope…no one there. She grinned again,   
walking down to the commons room that was set up, monitors blaring   
for the superstars. And it looked like everyone was there: she had to   
stifle her giggling as she grabbed Torrie's hand, the two standing at   
the back with a long line of Divas along the wall: Torrie, Stacy,   
Trish, Lita, Molly, Jacqueline, Lillian and Terri. All of them   
smiling…or rather, grinning like cats.   
  
Everyone's attention turned to the monitor when Linda   
McMahon's smug smiling presence was on the screen. "Good evening, WWE   
fans. As head of the board of directors for the WWE, it is my great   
pleasure to tell you about a new event our fine company will be   
hosting." She delivered another smile.  
  
"Now, as everyone knows, we like to cater to our fans:   
give them what they want!" there was a cheer from the crowd. "Well,   
our company feels that it has been ignoring the female fans wants."  
  
"Hell yeah, fix it Linda!!"  
  
All of the guys turned, looking back at Lita who just   
waved sheepishly before pointing back at the monitor where Linda was   
speaking once more. "Be that as it may, in a week's time, on   
Smackdown, we'll be having a new event, especially for the ladies.   
This night will include the normal things: a wet t-shirt contest, a   
boxers and briefs match, and maybe even a few more things for the   
women. The name for this night, which was so generously donated by   
our lovely WWE Divas is `Boxers, Briefs or Undecided: Women's Night   
of WWE'! Hope to see all of you ladies there!!!"  
  
The screen cut and everyone, EVERYONE could hear the   
screaming in the arena above them. All of them very female voices…  
made them think of a meat market. Speaking of which…Big Show stood   
towering over the women. "And just who's idea was THIS?!?"  
  
Lita waved a hand with a grin. "Mine of course. But don't   
worry. We all voted and you're being forced to wear pants that night.   
You and Albert are anyway." She shuddered slightly before looking   
around his massive shoulder with a perky smile. "All the rest of you   
though…well, you won't be looking for any more bra and panties   
matches for a long time. Cause, you're gonna be participating whether   
you like it or not. We're still coming up with all kinds of FUN   
events!"  
  
Christian cocked his blonde head. "Fun for who though?"  
  
All of the women just smiled.  
  
  
End Chapter 1


	2. Boxers or Briefs? 2

Chapter 2  
  
  
"Are you as nervous about this as I am?"  
  
"What do you mean? About what?"  
  
"Gee, I don't know. Prancing around in our boxers in   
front of a bunch of women doing God knows what."  
  
"Oh…that."  
  
"Yeah, that. What? Did you forget?"  
  
"Nope. I think it'll be fun." Grin. "I'm not going to   
complain about it: that just makes me think they'll do something even   
worse if I do."  
  
"That just makes ME think you like the idea of stripping   
to your skivvies for an arena of women."  
  
"And if I do?"  
  
"You are one messed up son of a bitch."  
  
"Mom wouldn't like that you know."  
  
"Losers! Stacy's about to tell us what a couple of these…  
um…'events' are going to be on Smackdown. Come on your presence has   
been demanded."  
  
"That wasn't nice Chris…" Christian whined as he pushed   
his brother out the door. "He's the only loser because he's looking   
forward to this!!"  
  
Edge just gave that infamous grin as he looked down at   
his brother. "Ah, it'll be all in good fun I'm sure."  
  
Chris snorted. "You just wanna get lucky."  
  
"Hey, it'd be a good opportunity."  
  
Chris appeared to be thinking over the validity of that   
statement as Christian just rolled his eyes at the two. "You both are   
incredibly pathetic! You have to get action by stripping down for   
hundreds of screaming women…"   
  
Chris just shared a grin with Edge as all three men   
entered the room. Most of the roster was there: including a rather   
disgruntled looking Albert and Big Show respectively. Chris took a   
seat at the back, Edge leaning against a table that Christian took a   
seat on.  
  
The doors swung open showing in three rather cheerful   
divas: Lita, Stacy and Torrie. Stacy smiled brightly as they stood at   
the front. "You lucky guys you! You only have four more days!! And   
after much deliberation, the WWE Divas have ALL decided on the first   
two matches. And just so you know, Lita requested the first matches   
specifically."  
  
Lita poked her in the side as Stacy dissolved into   
giggles. Torrie rolled her eyes with a good-natured smile as she took   
the paper from a now giggling Stacy, Lita's eyes training on the   
audience. Or…select members of the audience anyway… Torrie cleared   
her throat with a smile. "This'll be good. Anyway," several men   
looked ready to bolt as she continued. "Our first matches aren't   
really going to be classic `wrestling' per say…" she grinned, making   
those nervous men more nervous. "Our first competition is gonna be   
with the leather pants. This was a real popular one in the divas   
locker room, let me tell you. These are our lucky competitors who   
have been guilty of sparking our imaginations: Edge, of course, Chris   
Jericho, of course, Test, of course and Christian. He was the   
surprise addition by one very happy to help Lillian."  
  
"I don't think you were supposed to say that." Stacy   
mumbled.  
  
"Oops. Strike that from the record." She shrugged   
again. "Anyway, Lillian and Lita were like the HUGE advocates of   
this. They get this event and the next. Speaking of which, we'll let   
Stacy tell you about that one!"  
  
She passed the paper over to a now not laughing Stacy who   
nodded her head. She grinned. "The event right after that one is,   
ironically enough, one of our wet t-shirt contests."  
  
"One?"  
  
"We have multiples planned." Lita grinned.  
  
"Wait, for those of us in the first match, wouldn't that   
make it kinda difficult? I mean, leather pants don't come off easy   
after getting wet."  
  
"ARE YOU HELPING THEM?!?!" Christian screeched as he   
hopped off the table.  
  
"Besides, how would you KNOW leather's hard to get off   
after getting wet?" Chris asked with arched eyebrow.  
  
Edge just grinned. "…exposure to the elements after a   
show?"  
  
"Bullshit. You're such a liar."  
  
Edge grinned again. "Let's just ask Lita. How hard were   
those pants to get off after that quick-"  
  
Christian muffled his brother with a sigh as Lita blushed   
prettily behind the other two divas, hand to her forehead. "Ignore   
that. Please. While you're at it, anyone want a sibling? I officially   
have one for adoption since he can't seem to keep his sex life to   
himself!!!!"  
  
Torrie and Stacy were just twittering with laughter at   
the front of the room. "Anyway, those four from the first match,   
Edge, Chris, Test and Christian are in the second match: leather   
pants and all…fortunately." Stacy mumbled with a smile before   
continued. "Anyway, along with those four, we'll also have the sweet   
addition of Randy Orton and Matt Hardy. Yum." Stacy looked up. "I   
mean, excellent match, I'm sure."  
  
Lita snorted with laughter as Torrie grinned at her   
friend who was now shuffling nervously. Might as well make a save.   
Torrie turned towards Stacy. "You know…we ought to just call the   
first match something like… `Lita's Blonde Canadians'. I mean she did   
SPECIFICALLY request it you know. I was wondering about the   
whole `make sure Edge is in it' thing."  
  
Stacy grinned, wisely ignoring that last comment. "That's   
a great idea! That's exactly what we can bill it as!" Stacy smiled   
with a giggle. "We can call the second match `Wet Leather' or   
something like that."  
  
"That's a great idea! I bet the other girls would LOVE   
those names!!"   
  
Lita appeared to be in a hurry to leave at that point,   
ignoring Edge's knowing grin. "Uh, anyway, that was the announcement   
guys! We'll have the next matches at the house show tomorrow! Can't   
wait to see y'all tomorrow!"  
  
"You mean see Edge tonight? I was unaware you two had   
something going." Chris threw out with a smirk.  
  
"Anyway, Lita and Lillian are the judges for those two   
matches." Stacy smiled as Lita pulled she and a very giggling Torrie   
out of the otherwise silent room of men. Well…Edge was grinning. He   
was the only one though. He seemed to be a little TOO into this.  
  
Silence reigned for several long, loooong minutes. Matt   
stood with a sigh, resigned to his fate. "Well, since I know how Lita   
is, this isn't gonna change anytime soon."  
  
"She a hard judge?" Randy stood, walking out with the   
elder Hardy.   
  
"Well, that depends." Matt grinned wryly. "She likes `em   
blonde and Canadian."  
  
"I heard that! And what's wrong with liking blonde   
Canadians?!"  
  
That sounded like Edge. Matt and Randy just chose to   
ignore the still grinning blonde.  
  
  
End Chapter 2  
  
  



	3. Boxers of Briefs? 3

Title~ Boxers or Briefs? (3/?)  
  
Author~ Cristal  
  
Email~ Talis13@y...  
  
Rating~ PG13  
  
Disclaimer~ All characters belong to the WWE. ;)  
  
Distribution~ Interested in hosting this fic? Please ask permission.   
^^  
  


Group- http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Cristal-FanFic 

  
Feedback~ Thank you to all of the folks who have been kind enough to   
review so far!! ^^ I appreciate it and hope you continue to do so!!  
  
Spoilers~ LOL…yeah right…oh, sorry, uh…no, not this time. :D   
  
Notes~ Answer to Candle's Challenge. ;)  
  
Summary~ The Women Take Charge of the WWE. ;) (oh, and YES Candle   
the `Oh Oh Oh Mega Boys' phrase DOES fit into a fic ;)  
  
  
  
"I'm jealous, you know that, right?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"You've already been included in one of the matches on   
Smackdown!!"  
  
"You're jealous of THAT?!?!"  
  
"Yes! I want to participate too Matt!!! I feel left out…  
do the girls not like me? Do I not have the upper body for a wet t-  
shirt contest?"  
  
Matt looked over at his younger brother with some amount   
of disbelief. "You must be joking…I can't believe you're   
feeling `left out'. Do you know how many of the guys want that   
feeling right now? And here you are whining about it. And the women   
like you just fine Jeff."  
  
He brightened considerably. "Really?"  
  
Matt sighed. "Yes, really."  
  
"Oh good. Because you know, I always thought between you   
and me the women liked me best anyway. So I always thought it was a   
little strange if YOU got into something like this and I DIDN'T, you   
know what I mean?" Jeff rambled on, happily oblivious.   
  
"Sometimes I wonder if women even watch this stuff."  
  
"Sure! Who did you think nine tenths of our fan base was?"  
  
Matt stopped before sighing. Jeff played out the   
intelligence angle on rare occasions: like this one. "Point."  
  
"Well, anyway, they're going to tell us what will be   
after the Wet Leather contest tonight, right? And speaking of that,   
are you and Randy gonna wear leather pants out there too just to make   
it even? Maybe I'll wear leather pants too: just for the hell of it.   
I bet they'd like that!" Jeff smiled happily as he pulled that neon   
transparent shirt over his head.  
  
"W-…where the hell do you come up with half this stuff   
Jeff?" he shook his head as Jeff pouted slightly, purple hair falling   
in his eyes. He rolled his eyes. "Don't know yet. And, yes, they're   
divulging yet more frightening matches before the house show tonight."  
  
Jeff brightened again. "Oh good!! I hope I'm in one!!"  
  
Matt sighed, yet again as they headed out of the door,   
just deciding to not argue with his brother over this. He figured it   
might just be a lost cause. They walked down the hallways…well, Jeff   
sorta bounced down the hallway, coming to a lone room, alllllll the   
way at the end. Seemed kinda quiet down there actually…  
  
Jeff opened the door, stepping in as Matt followed him.   
Both stopped, looking into a full house. A very…quiet full house.   
Jeff rolled his eyes. "Geez, you guys act like you're waiting for the   
grim reaper."  
  
"Three of them, to be exact."  
  
Jeff wrinkled his nose as he looked over at the much   
larger man that he PROBABLY should have been afraid of. "You're such   
a pansy for being such a big man Brock."  
  
He shook his head. "No, I'm intelligent Hardy. I want   
nothing to do with Smackdown in three days."  
  
Jeff shrugged as he sat in the chair, looking incredibly   
dwarfed by the large man he sat next to. "Same dif."  
  
Matt rolled his eyes as he sat in the chair behind the   
other two men, looking at Christian. "Jeff is WAY to excited. He   
WANTS a match in this thing! He's disappointed they haven't given him   
one yet!!!"  
  
Christian looked awfully deadpan as he looked over at his   
friend. "Trust me, Edge is the same way. But he has matches. He's on   
the equivalent of gloating at this point. It's pathetic. And kinda…  
frightening actually…"  
  
Matt snickered. "I just think its funny how some of the   
men, like the big guys that weigh upwards of three hundred pounds are   
scared."  
  
"YOU'RE not scared?"  
  
"That's not the point."  
  
Both men sighed, freezing as the doors opened once more.   
All of the guys were here so that could only mean one thing…  
  
"Good evening guys!!!" And that was it. Stacy, Torrie and Lita had   
returned. Lita grinned as she surveyed the room. "Well, we've decided   
on the next three matches."  
  
"These actually matches this time ladies? Cause The Game is kinda   
bored with Smackdown so far."  
  
All three women looked at the speaker. One of the most respected men   
in sports entertainment: Triple H. The Game. Hunter Hearst Helmsley.   
And they smiled. What was funny was that the `Cerebral Assassin'   
appeared to blanch under that nice tan of his at those three smiles…  
almost wishing he hadn't opened his big mouth. Lita rubbed her hands   
together as she smirked. "Well Hunter, you're in luck lemme tell you.   
We have TWO matches tonight and you're involved in one of them!!!"  
  
"Why am I not liking the sound of this?"  
  
"I'm LOVING the sound of this!!! Do I get a match?!?! Please, please,   
please, PLEASE?????"  
  
Lita laughed at Jeff as he bounced in his seat, next to Brock Lesnar   
who looked at the younger Hardy like he may have contracted some   
otherworldly disease that he didn't want. "Why Jeff, now that you   
mention it, YES, you DO get a match!!"  
  
"YES!" he raised a fist in victory as Brock moved down a chair, still   
staring.  
  
All three women grinned as Lita straightened the paper in front of   
her. "Our match after the Wet Leather contest will in fact be a legit   
wrestling match."  
  
"Aww." This came jointly from Edge and Jeff he verged   
on `disappointed'.   
  
"Fear not guys!" Lita replied happily. "You still get to loose some   
clothes for what's turning into a predominantly female audience!"  
  
"YES!"  
  
"Jeff!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"QUIT!"  
  
All three women were in different stages of snickering and laughing   
at their…'captured' audience. Lita cleared her throat. "Anyway…our   
first match after the first wet t-shirt contest is one Boxers and   
Briefs Match!! This one involves a couple of people that verge on   
cruiserweights and/or ARE cruiserweights."  
  
"Meaning there ain't much there?"  
  
"Meaning there will be less at the end than when they start." Torrie   
smiled devilishly.  
  
The cruiserweight division suddenly looked very nervous as a whole.   
Lita grinned again. "Ahem. Anyway, it will be a tag team boxers and   
briefs match! Jeff Hardy-"  
  
"YES!"  
  
"JEFF QUIT!"  
  
"And Rob Van Dam versus Shane Helms and Jaime Noble!"  
  
"AHHHH!"  
  
Shane and Jaime were screaming like little girls. Lita cocked her   
head. "Aw, guys, they'll love you."  
  
Shane stood, pointing at the women. "Can't do that! The booking makes   
NO sense! The Hurricane and Jaime Noble are NOT friends!!!"  
  
"RIGHT!"  
  
Stacy shrugged as she put her hands on her hips as she stared at   
Shane and Jaime. "Booking never makes sense ANYWAY, so what's the   
difference?"  
  
Both stopped before dropping into their seats at that fact. Damn   
them. Lita sighed with a roll of her eyes. "Anyways, yes, that's the   
match. Jeff is NOT allowed to wear more than one shirt-"  
  
"No prob!"  
  
"JEFF QUIT!!"  
  
"And no one else can wear more clothes than normal!! The point is to   
strip your opponents of their clothes down to the underwear!"  
  
"And their dignity?"  
  
"That's optional." Lita grinned. "Anyway, the first team to do that   
will be declared the winners! Torrie and Nidia will be our lovely   
Divas-Turned-Referees for that match!"  
  
"Especially since Torrie requested Jeff be involved!" Stacy offered.  
  
Torrie looked up with a blush before sticking her tongue out at her   
friend. "Yeah well, the only reason Rob's mixing it up with a bunch   
of cruiserweights is because you wanted to see him loose his clothes!!  
  
Stacy sighed, fingers to her temple before looking at the audience   
with a blush. "ANYWAYS, after THAT match will be our second wet t-  
shirt contest! By Torrie's request of course!" she added before   
continuing ahead of Torrie's outburst. "In this, Shane and Jeff will   
hang around-"  
  
"YES!"  
  
"DAMMIT JEFF QUIT!"  
  
"Anyway, we'll have Shane and Jeff for the wet t-shirt contest along   
with a lovely second appearance with Matt Hardy and the sweet Shannon Moore!"  
  
"Sounds like a…uh oh…"  
  
"Yes!" Lita laughed. "A wet t-shirt contest among the former Oh Oh Oh   
mega Boys!"  
  
Three of the four Omega Boys looked like they just heard some form of   
sacrilege. Jeff on the other hand found the altered name incredibly   
funny. Stacy nodded. "Yes, Torrie recommended the name, all the divas   
voted and the name of the wet t-shirt contest IS the `Wet Oh Oh Oh   
Mega Boys T-Shirt' Contest. But that's not all!! We have one more   
match before the Main Event that night!!"  
  
There were a lot of interesting things mumbled about   
that, but the most common seemed to be `oh dear God' for some reason.   
Jeff unfortunately didn't get to say anything because the Omega Boys   
were in fact busy making the effort to muzzle him. Some of the   
heavyweights seemed to be breathing a little easier for the most   
part. For the `most' part that was…Triple H on the other hand,   
couldn't seem to shake the feeling he was forgetting something   
verrrrry important…  
  
Torrie seemed awfully frazzled at the moment so Lita   
grabbed the paper from Stacy's hands with a smile. "Our last match   
before the as of yet un-named main event will be involving some of   
our yummy heavy-weights." Her smile could have made any typical man's   
heart stop. In THIS room however it just made them want to cry like   
little girls. Most ESPECIALLY the heavyweights.   
  
"Yes, you fine, upstanding, lovely men, our match before our final   
match of the evening will be a heavy-weight Boxers or Briefs match!!   
And this match WILL in fact include an actual wrestling match with   
three heavyweights in a triple threat!"  
  
"Oh dear God…" well, lightening seemed to have struck Triple H. And   
the cruiserweights seemed to find that REALLY funny…  
  
"Yes Hunter, just for the women that LOVE you not to mention all   
those women that seem to LOVE the Rock-" the man of the same name   
seemed to be trying to bolt through the door, yet he seemed to be being   
held down by the entire cruiserweight division as Lita   
continued. "Triple threat of Triple H versus The Rock versus Brock   
Lesnar refereed by myself and Jacqueline!! Well, we're sure you'll   
ALL love these matches, yet it's almost time for the house show to   
start!! We'll tell you about the main event the night of Smackdown!!   
Thanks everyone and especially all of you fine men involved!!!"  
  
All three women absolutely bolted for the door, leaving an extremely   
quiet room. That's when all hell broke loose and a lot of tears   
seemed to be shed by three particular heavyweights.  
  
  
End Chapter 3  
  



End file.
